So He Hit Me

One of the factors contributing to my unmarried status at above 30 is the absence of healthy marital examples in my life. Throughout my years, I’ve encountered more tumultuous cohabitations than I can recount. The sheer volume of such experiences could fill countless volumes. And as you can imagine this hasn’t excited me for the married status yet.

I can recount numerous stories, such as witnessing a man engaging in nightly battles with his wife upon returning home drunk, subjecting her to not only physical abuse but also verbal assaults filled with disparaging remarks about her personality, character, and history, and even resorting to hurtful comments about her physical appearance. Another instance involves observing a woman enduring a life of shame by remaining married to a predator, who is a molester, pedophile, and rapist, all in an attempt to maintain some semblance of status within her family and or society. However, the most common scenario I’ve encountered repeatedly is women being disenfranchised from their rightful place at the table, often through job loss as a request from their husbands and consequent powerlessness in marriages they had entered expecting partnership.

While some may downplay it as merely a slap across the face, asserting it’s not sufficient grounds for me to leave, those with sound judgment would firmly believe that it marked the onset of a potentially catastrophic future if not addressed promptly.

Besides manipulation, gaslighting, and fear of further abuse, financial dependency is a primary factor that renders women trapped in abusive relationships, regardless of their awareness of their unhappiness and the gradual toll it takes on their well-being. Even worse abusers often isolate their victims from friends, family, and support networks, leaving them feeling alone and without a way out. And I assure you, not everyone possesses the resilience to venture alone.

Before meeting her husband, she held a lucrative job and saw herself as an independent woman, diligently earning her rent, food, clothing, fuel, insurance, entertainment, and savings. However, upon meeting her partner, he pledged a monthly stipend that would cover her personal grooming expenses and provide funds for her social groups, along with a small amount for her parents. Regrettably, she took the offer and abruptly quit her job, placing her trust in someone she believed would provide her with everything she desired.

As her husband continued to attend work and progress in his career, thereby ascending in social status, he began encountering new acquaintances within his “circle” who could now enhance his recently attained position and reputation. The woman he once considered the epitome of beauty, not only his partner but also his favorite companion when exploring new dining spots or spending time with friends, became a source of embarrassment to him.

She assumed the role of household manager, focusing solely on maintaining cleanliness and order in their home, overseeing the children’s schooling and extracurricular activities, managing family gatherings, and instilling in them the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Financial success exacerbated the power imbalance in this relationship, which led to misuse of power and control over his wife. Granted sometimes the opposite is true, in this experience, the wife is at a disadvantage. Her Husband lets his newly inflated ego which leads to arrogance, dominance, and belittlement towards his once love of his wife.

Diminishment, absence of empathy, and skewed priorities resulted in the husband engaging in conflicts with his wife, while simultaneously inflicting lasting emotional wounds on his children, necessitating eventual intervention to address the ensuing trauma, for those fortunate enough to receive assistance.

Indeed, when he strikes you once, he demonstrates his physical dominance over you and asserts his belief that he can act without your consent, exerting control over you whenever he pleases. When you feel the impact of that slap on your face, it should immediately trigger awareness of the potential for future instances of domestic abuse.

I’m determined not to let this become my narrative, especially after witnessing variations of it throughout my life for so long.

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