Creating My Boundaries

Boundaries do not only dictate where two countries or two continents or two homesteads border but they also define where a person draws a line between themselves and the relationships around them. They dictate when to say no as everyone else screams at you to say yes and give the same person permission to dive into a higher level of intimacy than a normal person would perceive normal.

Over time, I’ve noticed the boundary between my personal limits and my true self has become less distinct. There are instances when my gut tells me to say no, but I fear disappointing others or being seen as disloyal by those I hold dear. It’s disheartening that not everyone I consider close would reciprocate that sentiment. I’ve grown accustomed to approaching relationships with sincerity, seeking love authentically, yet often finding it’s not reciprocated in the same manner.

My boundaries with friends have been not just blurred, but rather overshadowed by the pursuit of social capital. I’ve invested resources, favors, and supporting those I believed would support me in return, hoping they’d be there when I needed them most. However, it’s become clear that this hope was not a guarantee. This realization has shifted my perspective on life. While it may sound cliché, I now understand that placing trust in myself is the only way to truly control the outcome of my life and above all GOD

What am I trying to say?

Saying yes even when something drains my energy is now a thing of the past.

I acknowledge that transitioning will likely lead to conflicts, but I am committed to addressing these conflicts rather than allowing bitterness and resentment to fester within me. I will no longer overextend myself in an attempt to please others out of fear of disappointing them or witnessing their disappointment. Instead, I will prioritize identifying my own needs, desires, and values, using them as a guide to make decisions that align with my well-being. I refuse to shoulder responsibility for others’ emotions by altering my behavior or character to avoid causing anger or sadness. Usually, when I struggle to comprehend my own emotions, I inadvertently allow other emotions present in the room to take precedence and influence my emotional state.

I am committed to asserting my needs and expressing my opinions within my relationships without hesitation. I refuse to suppress my own desires to fulfill the needs and wants of others. While some may view this as selfishness, I see it as essential self-care for my overall well-being. Previously, I’ve struggled to treat myself to the same level of generosity that I readily extended to others, whether through simple gestures like giving gifts to friends or being resourceful in various ways. When it comes to spending on myself, I’ve often found myself overthinking and second-guessing. It’s worth noting that I’m still grappling with debt, a year later, as a result of splurging on someone close to me out of love. However, reflecting on this, I question whether I would prefer to be in debt for indulging myself instead.

Establishing boundaries when needed will serve as a means of self-care, rather than a display of selfishness or unreasonableness on my part. By prioritizing my overall well-being, I’ll be able to replenish my energy reserves. This will enable me to fully engage in the relationships I’m intentionally nurturing, giving my all – a stark contrast to the partial effort I might have previously offered.

All this to say, extend understanding and grace whenever I respond with a firm NO. As earnestly as I seek grace, I commit to offering the same kindness and understanding when met with a refusal. Admittedly, accepting a “no” has been a personal challenge for me, but I’m striving to cultivate inner peace in such moments, with faith as my guide.