Spiritual Growth

For the longest time, I’ve yearned to draw closer to God, prioritizing prayer and fasting at the forefront of my mind. My high school days were marked by a deep spirituality, where I commenced each morning with prayer, dedicating the day to the Almighty. In the evening, I would reflect on the day, expressing gratitude and appreciation to Him, ensuring a peaceful night’s rest

Attending church and participating in worship every Sunday might have led you to label me as the “Miss Goody Two Shoes,” eager to be first in line to have my name read by Peter from the books of the deceased at the gates of heaven. Unlike my peers, whom I believed were destined for hell.

I attempted meditation in the renowned unfinished building conveniently situated behind 4S, the classroom where I spent 90% of my time in the institution—a period that would become one of the most significant in my lifetime. However, meditation always revealed that my past was too recent to seek divine assistance from God. My mind wandered to moments in my life where I vowed to make different choices, pondering questions like how I ended up in this situation, what was expected of me, and how I would pull myself out of it.
For me, prayer was reserved for moments when I needed God’s assistance. I found myself on my knees only when seeking provisions for my daily needs, the health and safety of my family, and divine protection and guidance. As time passed and I grew older, this practice became ingrained in me.

Adult me has come to understand that there are various motivations for prayer, including

• Protection
• To change a situation
• To keep you in the will of God
• To enhance your hope
• Healing
• Peace
• Prayer is therapeutic
• A way to communicate with God.

Once I discovered that I could simply kneel to say “thank you, Lord,” a transformation began. I found myself praying everywhere—while walking, eating, gazing out my window, and even showering—and gradually, revelations began to unfold
What kept me from prayers after high school?

I refrained from praying because I simply didn’t engage in it. This absence of prayer led to guilt, which in turn resulted in avoidance. As time passed without prayer, I felt unworthy to approach God because I had failed to uphold my promise of daily prayer and worship. It’s akin to a situation where your father forgives your mistake once, but when you repeat the same mistake and he remains silent.

This often leads to a desire to pray, but I often find myself unsure of where to begin. I’m uncertain whether I should start by asking for forgiveness, expressing gratitude, making a prayer request, or confessing, among other possibilities. The options seem endless. I sometimes feel too sinful for God to want me in His presence, let alone listen to my requests or respond to them.

God doesn’t always respond immediately; His timing is His own. When prayers aren’t swiftly answered to my benefit as I desire, my patience wanes, leading to inconsistency. The absence of spiritual discipline allows laziness to overcome me, causing me to prioritize sleep over prayer until I have no time left for a morning with God.

What will I do differently to see my spiritual journey grow?

1. Examine my beliefs by being honest and intentional about my prayers and let the realization that I have been sleeping all along be felt and awakening is the result.
2. Explore new and different beliefs that differ from my own.
3. Set a time to speak to God.
4. Fast, pray, and worship
5. Walk in faith
6. Cut off anything and everything that is hindering me from this growth
7. Be disciplined.

Begs the questions…

• What are you doing to be closer to your maker?
• As much as you make requests, what are you willing to sacrifice?
• How intentional, disciplined, and honest are u willing to be in this journey?