Healing

Lately, she has found herself reflecting deeply on the meaning of healing. In one way or another, everyone seems to be on their own journey, herself included. Healing from childhood wounds, from an abusive relationship, from a good relationship lost through self-sabotage, or from the weight of a toxic work environment. Healing, it seems, touches almost every corner of life. Yet one question lingers in her heart: what does healing truly mean?

As she works through childhood trauma and patterns of self-sabotage, she often wonders what healing might really look like for her. Does it mean looking back at the past and pretending it never existed? Or does it mean facing that past and finally asking herself the difficult questions she has long avoided? Perhaps it is admitting that she has been standing in her own way all along making the wrong decisions again and again, while expecting different results. Still, she asks: what is healing?

Could healing mean taking everything head-on? Confronting the people who let her down when she needed them most, and challenging the very systems that have consistently failed others? Still, the question returns: what is healing?

The unhealed version of her was a bitter, angry little girl who never believed anyone could genuinely love or care for her. She had never experienced true love or care, as they had never been extended to her. It all began when her own family rejected her, and she came to see that rejection as the norm. If her own family could turn against her, what could the world possibly owe her love, kindness?

As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people, and she was no exception. She carried the guilt of wounding those who truly cared for her. Whenever someone tried to offer her genuine love and compassion, it only stirred feelings of disdain, pushing them away before they could get close. Her hurt had translated into a deep sense of insecurity and a lack of self-worth. Confidence was never taught to her when there was still time to nurture such skills. And the truth is, it is hard to teach yourself confidence; it is difficult to learn to love yourself when you have no one to emulate, when the very people closest to you seem to loathe your existence.

According to her, this justified the disdain she felt toward the love that was genuinely offered love she never truly believed existed, even though it was always staring her in the eyes.

She was empty of love and had no one left to turn to. Survival became her only focus, and living was all she could think about. Yet that very survival mindset carried her through and made it possible for her to be where she is today.

Many have told her to let the past go and bury it behind her. But what if her past is the very thing that fuels her to become her better self? To her, forgiving and forgetting is not freedom it is a betrayal of herself.

Today, she is slowly learning to work through her insecurities and rebuild her sense of self-worth. It is not an easy journey teaching herself the confidence she was never shown, unlearning the lies she once believed about her value, and allowing herself to receive the love she once rejected. For her, healing is not about erasing the past but about reshaping it into strength. Piece by piece, she is discovering that she is worthy of love, of kindness, and of the life she once thought was beyond her reach.

And perhaps that is what healing truly means to her choosing not to live by other people’s narratives, embracing life unapologetically, and learning how to move forward without the apology she long awaited but never received.